I am spending the year with my children in Sikkim, India. We have only been here for three weeks, and from the moment we stepped off the plane in Delhi, I have found myself often asking, "why am I putting my kids (and myself) through this?" Grace and Corrina are very clearly way outside their comfort zone, to the point of tears sometimes, and I find myself contemplating over and over, is this the kind of pain they should be rescued from or is this the kind of pain required for growth? The difference is not always clear to me and I struggle as a parent to know the difference.
I have found the same to be true in my teaching and administrative roles as well. When are the moments that the student needs to feel the pain of a hard grade, or a harsh word, and when is it too much? How do we support students to stretch their notion of their own comfort zones, which can allow them to take growth-creating and healthy risks?
One of my colleagues here, someone I knew while in America, wrote me an email related to this subject:
"Once, I was talking to J., he was saying that the Head of School was not interested in an exchange with Taktse because of the assymetrical nature of the relationship. In other words, Taktse kids would get so much from the school but what would the American kids possibly gain from Taktse?
"It made me so sad to hear that. I think that attitude is part of why our country is in so much trouble. I mean the main thing we, as Americans, have to gain from stepping out of our comfort zone is understanding how people in the rest of the world think and live and feel, the stresses they are under, the jealousies, prides and inadequacies they feel, what it's like for immigrants in our own country, etc etc. When I was in Beverly, I heard a show on student exchange programs where they said that fewer and fewer programs really demand that kids step into an alien world. Evidently, more and more foreign exchange programs plan for students to be with other American kids, speaking English, staying in American-style places and eating familiar food so they can… have more fun. That is the goal: provide fun and make some money for the university! That is what I mean by our country being in trouble. Personally, I love having fun but to hold that as the goal of an exchange--to not even recognize what a luxury it is--seems, well, ridiculous."
It is not clear to me that fun pushes emotional growth. If we focus on fun in these types of moments -- where does that leave our students? When we don't take the time to calculate and then push their zones of emotional growth, aren't we potentially limiting them? The fact is, students don't need Outward Bound to experience such opportunities. If we could see moments in every day, in every classroom, as possible moments for growth, it could be incorporated into our way of teaching and could allow for maximal growth.
A friend of mine in China is the Shanghai director for the BU exchange program there. I was chatting with him recently when he was here for training meetings and was dismayed to hear he had something like 11? students, whereas the London director he'd just met had hundreds.
ReplyDeleteWe need to learn tools for being outside our comfort zone, for getting up when we fall down or fail. If we don't learn them young, we avoid them when we're old, and it leads to all kinds of problems.
My friend whose school I am working at told me about the book _Imagine_ which discusses the positive effects that travel to a foreign country can have on creativity. Here is a link to that section of the book:
Deletehttp://www.whatdoyouimagine.com/2012/04/destination-creativity/
Chris--you are speaking to the choir here so I hope we can promote this blog to a wider audience. This phenomenum of American children not wanting to be uncomfortable in any way is an extension of growing up where any discomfort is fixed. You are doing your girls a world of service even if they are miserable the whole time (which they are not.)
ReplyDeleteAs a mental health counsellor working with children and families, I recognize the trend you write about, for the kids as well as the adults. It seems there is widespread avoidance of distress and discomfort and more and more experiences seem to fall into those categories. Boredom is another state that people have little tolerance for these days. But we are missing out on many soul enriching and yes, educational experiences by avoiding these states. And I wonder, why aren't people gaining satisfaction, or feeling the positive effects of delving into the uncomfortable? In a world where we over medicate (in my opinion) all kinds of ...distress or struggle, we never learn coping skills to manage situations or learn to value different temperments or learning styles.
ReplyDeleteEnough pontificating! Great Blog Chris!
See, we can have in depth conversations from opposite ends of this spinning earth!