My Last Public Speech at Gann -- Shiur Clali
June 1, 2012
When I was in the 8th grade, I was sure I was going to win the math prize. I had good test scores, I knew the math teacher saw my talent – the prize was mine and it was all I wanted from 8th grade graduation. When Mr. Emmett stood up to give the prize I smiled slightly and held my breath. And, you can imagine my shock and disappointment when someone else’s name was announced. I hadn’t received the prize. I spent lots of time after graduation hypothesizing why I didn’t get the prize, rationalizing it for myself so that I could feel a little better about the severe blow to my ego. Who knows if any of my reasons for not receiving it were correct, but the fact is, the one thing I cared about didn’t happen for me and I felt huge sense of disappointment.
The funny thing is, on that day of graduation from 8th grade, I did win two other prizes, prizes that I didn’t care the least about. I won the literature prize (I have no idea why I got that) and the Home Economics Prize. I was mortified by winning the Home Economics Prize - it was a prize for excellent sewing and cooking skills, which were good things to know for being a self-sufficient grown-up, and in my era, for being a good wife. The problem was that I wanted to be seen as a math person and nothing else. Still, I have to admit I was pretty good at Home Economics. I sewed a dress that I wore to the 8th grade luncheon and developed the menu that the whole class cooked for the end-of-year meal.
When I was at that graduation, I felt like the world was telling me I should be something other than what I wanted to be – the world was telling me I should cook and sew and read good books. But I wanted to do math. I loved math – I still do. In the end, I made the choice to ignore what I thought the world was telling me to be and do. I continued my math education and minored in math in college. I got pleasure every day out doing math, even if my elementary school didn’t think I was best at it. And, I have to also admit, I do make a mean lemon meringue pie and often serve as a personal tailor for my friends and family. There was something to the prize I received in middle school.
There are many moments in life when it feels like the world is defining for you who you are and who you should be, especially while you are growing up. There are the right classes to take, the right friends to have, the right way to act and be. But in the end, if you can find a way to listen to yourself to know what you want and what you love to do, you are greatly increasing the odds of discovering what your life work and passion should to be. Knowing what you are good at does matter. But what you are good at can change and is highly influenced by what you love to do.
This story is my lead-in to the advice and the blessing I want to give you that feels authentic for me and relevant for you.
Listen to your own heart and your best instincts, stop worrying about what others want from you and expect from you and stop caring so much about what others think about you. Pursue your passions with abandon because it makes you feel good to do so. Be true to yourself right now, in this moment, as a way to feel the best you can about where you are in life.
In high school this is a very hard thing to do. You may be so full of others’ expectations that you can‘t hear your own voice. But when you get a glimpse, when you have that feeling of exhilaration for having done something well that you love doing, PAY ATTENTION! That is your heart speaking to your mind about pursuits that will have great meaning to you. I loved doing math when I was young and it still brings me joy every day I am in the classroom.
Finally, once you have discovered your passion, it is my wish that you will find a place in the world where you can make a difference with that passion. I know that I have made a difference in the lives of Algebra 1 students with my passion for math. It may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but it has been magical for me and my students over the course of my career.
In the end, Gann has been an amazing and exhilarating place for me to share my passions. You all have embraced me and my way of being, I know that the light in me has shone through to a lot of you. That is the ultimate prize, acknowledgement of my right place in the world, a prize you and Gann has given me. I can’t thank you enough for allowing me the chance to feel so good about being myself. And I hope, in turn, I have been able to do the same for you. I have been dedicated to finding ways for each of you to be seen for the person you really are and to explore without penalty or judgment what your true passions might be. I hope that you have felt some sense of being known here at Gann and that you, like me, will find another place, at least once in your life, where you are valued deeply for being you.
